I watch a lot of Big Brother Naija. In fact, I watch more than I should given my busy schedule between the 8 to 3 and the love of my life (screenwriting, not a man. For now).

I know you’re already judging me because, if you really think about it, what’s fascinating about watching people live their lives in the same house for 71 days? And if you really, really think about it, life can get super boring on some days so most probably, the housemates are being as fake as they can get just to get us talking, otherwise the whole experience will feel like watching paint dry. If I’m being honest, it’s quite pointless in the grand scheme of things. The winner walks away with US$220 000 (I already converted from Naira to Dollars – because I’m Zimbo like that) but what do I walk away with?

But still, I watch and thoroughly enjoy…

For the escape
We are on lockdown and some of us are five thoughts away from going crazy. Not knowing when all this uncertainty is going to end and when we’ll finally get our regular lives back is the pits. It’s a shitty season to be in but like all seasons, shitty or badass, it will come to pass. So I figured, why not forget about my own worries for a bit and focus on other people’s lives instead? I mean, I may sleep at midnight waiting for the last housemate to go to bed (cough – Nengi – cough), which is a pointless exercise if you ask me, but at least it takes my mind off how much I hate COVID for what it has done. Some people wanted Big Brother cancelled because of it supposedly corrupting children but maybe they should ban their children from watching and let us live.

For the entertainment
Okay, there are some days when that house is lit and everything is just up-side-down or generally interesting (interesting being subjective in this instance).
My interesting is when Dora is crushing on Ozo, hiding behind “oh, but he is my bestie” but turning around and asking him for space when he openly admits to the whole house that he is into Nengi. Mans called a whole house meeting to make the announcement. If that isn’t husband material, I don’t know what is. BUT, according to some housemates and crazy fan theories on Twitter, Nengi “gave” Ozo love potion to make him putty in her hands, which is crazy, because if anyone should have been a target for love potion, it is Kiddwaya. Word on the street is mans is a billionaire’s son and rocked up to the show in a private jet. Now I aint saying I’m a gold digger…
My interesting is when Erica and Laycon rub their beautiful and fun friendship in our faces, but then when Laycon catches feelings, everything becomes a-w-k-w-a-r-d. Y’all should have seen his face every time Kiddwaya kissed Erica in front of him – DRAMA and I’ve seen that drama before. It’s called Boys over Flowers when Jandi was clearly enjoying Ji Hu’s attention and Jun Pyo would get so blinded by jealousy that he would kick chairs and people.
My interesting is when Prince shoots his shot with Nengi, gets curved and retaliates by mizing her at every turn. Not cool, Prince, not cool. I was watching a reel of their time together – they had some good and special times. He has since moved on with Tolanibaj but I’m taking bets on how genuine his feelings are – I mean, we had #freePrince trending the other day. Tweeps are convinced Tolanibaj has Prince’s b***s in her pocket hehehehe.

For the culture
I love the show and as embarrassing as it is to admit this, it has become a big part of my life. Hey, I even engaged in my first Twar over the show the other day. Imagine this mumu girl telling us to stop being judgmental because we had a conversation and deliberated on the Dora-Ozo-Nengi entanglement. Hello! What show does she think this is? As the audience, we reserve the right to make comments and judgments. How else will we vote? (wink wink).
When I missed the last season, I was crushed. I have no idea why people hated Tacha so much that they rejoiced when Mercy had her evicted from the house days before the finale. Who is Seyi and why was he so important in the house? I couldn’t even follow the reunion show because all the housemates were basically strangers to me (but not Seyi, I resolved to stalk him on IG, strictly for professional purposes). I’ve successfully managed to recruit my mom who keeps me updated on the shenanigans in the house when I can’t watch. She is a big Ebuka fan and calls him “Big Brother” (although there’s no way the real Biggie is THAT hot, but we move). My all-time favourite housemate is Uti. He’s a G, that one.

So, would I go on Big Brother? Probably not. I’m extremely private and I wouldn’t survive a day in that house. I’d go crazy. Imagine no phone, no Twitter, no laptop to write my stories! It can never be me. However, I have mad respect for people who do go on Big Brother. It takes a lot to let millions of people into your world and thoughts; and even more to accept that by the time you leave the house, there will be millions of versions of you for the world to either take apart and judge harshly or commend and look up to. Again, it can never be me.

Who is winning this season? Honestly, all the housemates are loveable and glow differently so we will see. I absolutely love Nengi and I’m rooting for her to win, but in the event that she doesn’t, I’m cool with any one of the housemates taking the money home. Anyone BUT Lucy.